ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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