ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
