he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
