He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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