Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
as a side note pls kill me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
