come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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