i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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