i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
