Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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