So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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