are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
