bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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