either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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