Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
