I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
