break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we made out on top of his cat.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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