Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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