is your mom at the bar?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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