One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.