If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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