Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.