...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?