Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  but she's really nice

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  (301): She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds. (301): but she's really nice http://tfl.nu/144l
  Replies (3) Good night (1230) Bad night (594)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.

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  (989): I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS. http://tfl.nu/9dm1
  Replies (27) Good night (8882) Bad night (1085)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (841) Good night (144832) Bad night (10207)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.

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  (201): She's NOT homeless...she graduated early. http://tfl.nu/5ymo
  Replies (11) Good night (3043) Bad night (723)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl

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  (402): she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl http://tfl.nu/7i4h
  Replies (12) Good night (773) Bad night (3267)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.

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  (617): I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar. http://tfl.nu/rzqi
  Replies (4) Good night (2303) Bad night (854)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.

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  (910): I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair. http://tfl.nu/qnzd
  Replies (4) Good night (1709) Bad night (1287)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.

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  (571): FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool. http://tfl.nu/xgys
  Replies (3) Good night (2391) Bad night (747)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.

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  (715): I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names. http://tfl.nu/wmoo
  Replies (11) Good night (1943) Bad night (771)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind

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  (904): just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind http://tfl.nu/p8c9
  Replies (10) Good night (1680) Bad night (594)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party

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  (734): it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party http://tfl.nu/d8h2
  Replies (8) Good night (1590) Bad night (691)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.

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  (832): Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start. http://tfl.nu/gyl1
  Replies (8) Good night (708) Bad night (1296)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?

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  (832): So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid? http://tfl.nu/r78n
  Replies (3) Good night (542) Bad night (714)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.

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  (301): You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person. http://tfl.nu/9uxg
  Replies (0) Good night (756) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.

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  (636): I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more. http://tfl.nu/a679
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (201)

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