Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore

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  (405): Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore http://tfl.nu/6icm
  Replies (27) Good night (492) Bad night (3245)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.

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  (334): She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard. http://tfl.nu/xu4e
  Replies (9) Good night (4210) Bad night (1241)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i live my life in a constant state of hangover.

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  (814): i live my life in a constant state of hangover. http://tfl.nu/0mdg
  Replies (25) Good night (3676) Bad night (1505)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Please dont jizz on my ds screen.

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  (850): Please dont jizz on my ds screen. http://tfl.nu/cm8h
  Replies (18) Good night (777) Bad night (5050)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

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  (507): i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches. http://tfl.nu/cp2j
  Replies (14) Good night (6243) Bad night (776)
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  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (9108) Bad night (1068)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter

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  (440): Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter http://tfl.nu/frpq
  Replies (8) Good night (2388) Bad night (1064)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.

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  (720): I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time. http://tfl.nu/bucm
  Replies (5) Good night (3393) Bad night (1177)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night

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  (409): Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night http://tfl.nu/3ybg
  Replies (2) Good night (2254) Bad night (851)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person

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  (541): I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person http://tfl.nu/p4il
  Replies (11) Good night (2256) Bad night (570)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.

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  (717): i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer. http://tfl.nu/4jv5
  Replies (11) Good night (1687) Bad night (421)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis

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  (202): I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis http://tfl.nu/lbuu
  Replies (43) Good night (942) Bad night (3350)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.

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  (908): I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested. http://tfl.nu/1tav
  Replies (4) Good night (838) Bad night (381)
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  (530): View more from California

  I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.

  (1-530): View more from California

  It's like you're the voice of my soul.

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  (530): I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification. (1-530): It's like you're the voice of my soul. http://tfl.nu/xi0i
  Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (189)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  It's not too late to disappoint her you know...

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  (919): I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again (1-919): It's not too late to disappoint her you know... http://tfl.nu/57hn
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (224)

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