Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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