quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?