Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.