So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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