Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
