there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
