I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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