I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
