He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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