i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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