actually, I'm a sock model
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
