theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
