Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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