Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
