I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
