Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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