It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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