Grow some girl-balls and come out already
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
