You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
