Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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