the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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