He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I love having hate sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
