Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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