mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
