Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize