those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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