A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
