yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
