Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
