i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
