So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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