Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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