im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize