What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
