The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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