Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
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I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize