Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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