In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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