I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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