And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
