he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
