i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
