maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
