No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Let's get the cat blown out
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
