Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
