Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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