It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
