You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
